How to Support a Loved One with Anxiety
A little over 14 million Americans, 18.6%, have an anxiety disorder, and anxiety is one of the leading mental illnesses worldwide. (1)
Many of us have loved somebody with mental illness, whether that be a lover, a friend, or a family member. Relationships come with responsibilities, and knowing what helps is rarely easy.
We want to support our friends and family the best we can while also sustaining our own wellbeing.
While there a no hard and fast rules, there are guidelines that can help you develop the best approach on how to support a loved one with anxiety.
To gather expert data, I interviewed the team at The Indigo Project, a practice of over 25 psychologists based in Sydney, Australia that offers online wellness programs, courses, and therapy.
The Indigo Projects’ “no-bullshit, down to earth, creative approach to mental health” contributes a refreshing and relatable method of supporting a friend with anxiety.
Discover common phrases to avoid, helpful language to consider, and techniques that support all parties involved.
3 Helpful Phrases to Support a Loved One
Replace unhelpful phrases with ones that encourage positive thinking and feelings of connection. Studies show social connections benefit emotional wellbeing, physical and mental health. (2)
“These phrases help people feel seen and understood. Reminding loves one’s that anxiety is both separate of their identity, and a transient experience helps acknowledge that the unpleasant experience will pass.”
The Indigo Project
“I hear you.”
Listening may be all somebody needs to help work through a stressor or vent about something unpleasant.
Sometimes the smallest phrases make the most meaningful impact. This simple phrase acknowledges a loved one’s pain and offers to understand. Creating a safe environment to talk about whatever is causing discomfort.
“You are not your anxiety.”
Often, intense emotions like anxiety can be all-consuming. The lines between emotion and self can become blurred.
Mindfulness helps individuals disassociate emotions with self-identity. This phrase encourages the same principles of mindfulness by reminding a loved one of this truth.
“This feeling won’t last forever.”
Anxiety feels like it will last forever. Hypervigilance is a side effect of anxiety disorders that is a state of increased awareness that causes a forward feedback loop of increased anxiety. (5)
Being reminded that the unpleasant experience is only temporary may help a loved one from falling down the rabbit hole.
Top 3 Unhelpful Phrases to Avoid
We are all human, and in high-stress situations, we can word vomit, get upset, not know what to say, or just say the wrong thing.
Becoming aware of unhelpful phrases can help you interact more effectively.
The Indigo Project team helped us demystify 3 commonly used phrases that you may want to consider ditching.
These phrases were picked because they “do not acknowledge the other person’s experience and might make them feel weak, ashamed, or guilty of what they’re going through.”
“You’ve got nothing to worry about.”
This phrase discredits the other person’s feelings by implying that their response to a situation is unnecessary.
It also instigates anxiety by creating more questions and conversations around irrational thoughts. Two experienced psychologists write about the voice of false comfort in their book “How to Overcome Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts.”
False comfort typically tries to reassure the voice of anxiety, which results in increased attention and identification with irrational thoughts.
“Get over it.”
This phrase doesn’t acknowledge another person’s feelings and suggests they aren’t responding appropriately.
Suggesting a loved one needs to push aside their emotions or move on more quickly may invoke shame or guilt.
A mindful intention is important when communicated in emotional situations. Being thoughtful of emotions while refraining from judgment, can add clarity to a complicated encounter.
“Other people have it so much worse.”
We have all heard this one before. While the intent of this phrase may be to encourage gratitude, it does so while being clothed in shame.
Shame is an emotion that is commonly paired with depression and anxiety. (3) It is a toxic emotion that can destroy the hope that happiness is possible.
Most psychologists consider shame as either an emotion that forms in reaction to another emotion or one that combines fear and disgust. (3) Avoid phrases that fuel shameful feelings.
Supportive Techniques to Consider
Lean in when things get hard. Tough conversations and unpleasant emotions aren’t fun for anybody. It is natural for us to want to contract away from what makes us uncomfortable.
Instead, use these techniques curated by The Indigo Project to create a healthy environment for everyone’s mental stability.
Set Boundaries
Looking after yourself and taking care of your wellness matters. You cannot pour from an empty cup. One application of self-love is setting boundaries. Learn your limits and set rules to manage your mental health too.
Boundaries create a healthy environment for more productive and less destructive conversations for everyone involved.
Maintain Self-Awareness
Mental illness can be exhausting at times, for both people in the relationship. That means you too. Have self-awareness of your own pain and allow space for it.
“Recognize that it can be tough on you too and ensure that you are mindful of your own emotional energy levels.”
The Indigo Project
Check-in with yourself often and if things feel off, do something for you. Greater self-awareness also helps cultivate more thoughtful communication with others.
Listen to One Another
“Listen. Be open and supportive. You don’t need to have all the answers, and trying to can make things worst. Repeat that you’re there and avoid judgments.”
The Indigo Project
Practice the art of mindful listening by focusing close attention on what one another say. Real intent may be revealed through tone of voice or body language. Focus on the words rather than thoughts about what your planning to say next.
Mindful listening lends to conscious communication. Speaking with an understanding of the other persons’ experiences can make all the difference. Acknowledge how hard it is for one another and lean in.
About The Indigo Project
The Indigo Project is a psychology practice that aims to help people see the extraordinary in themselves. It was founded by psychologist Mary Hoang. She started her career working with street kids for the Salvation Army and found that employing creativity transformed the way the kids viewed mental health.
Using music & art in workshops and down-to-earth language helped encourage communication & connection. It’s that same ethos of thinking creatively about mental health that defines The Indigo Project. We have over 25+ psychologists specializing in all areas of mental health. You can book a session online or give us a call and we can help match you up with the perfect practitioner.
You can find them online at their website theindigoproject.com.au on Instagram @the_indigo_project and on facebook here.
